Its not as though i have given up hope completely, its moreso that i just know what things are hopeless where i am. I have never had that one person that i was crazy about, the person that i couldnt stop thinking about, that person that you spend every hour with, or when your apart your always talking on the phone … well i have but i could hardly call him mine, we were just “friends” that ended up getting super close, we never kissed but we were both fluent in body language. I have had my fair share of lame half-way-there highschool flings. More exparimental, i have never dated someone “my type” maybe thats the problem. But most likely the problem is my type doesnt exist, unless your an early twenties music obsessed boy.
He has it all, and all of it i cant have, damn you 1991. Its not that i am sulking or am depressed, its just on my mind lately. I just want to be intimate, i just want affection, and none of that fake stuff. None of this “can i get a kiss” business or “merry christmas heres a fucking huge stuffed dog” . Real life living breathing romance. The real stuff like going to the BDI getting ice cream and watching the sunset, then he kisses you because he wants to. Not because he should. Then he would look at you and smile and tell you your eyes are beautiful, because he really truley thinks they are. Maybe its all to much and my optimism has created something false, something that doesnt happen unless its in the movies. I would like to think that this one day will happen, i wish on everything that it will, but the fact is why does it have to take so damn long.
